Ugly Spaceship Downgraded to Semi

A couple months ago, Roanoke was visited by a UFO which has been kept under tight secrecy for security reasons. Our cameras were there, but we could not publish these pictures until now, after being given clearance and some particular directions on what to say. Clearly, this is a UFO. We all know UFO’s exist and we definitely know one when we see one.

In our “official” story, we are being forced to tell you that, indeed, this vehicle is a reject space ship built by the US space department. After failing many tests, it was sold to Rolling Reinhausen for fifty-two dollars and twelve cents at an auction in Roswell, NM, on July 4th 2009, prior to being scheduled for incineration as a fireworks prop. Two other bidders who almost won the confiscated UFO (I mean, scrapped space ship) were Aquariums-R-Us and Cool Laundromats, Inc. They both were out-bid by over fifty dollars.

At the time of these photos, neither Rolling Reinhausen nor the pilot could be reached for comment. This landing was witnessed by dozens of typical Roanokers. All of them realized the terrifying implications this alien aircraft would have on our City. And if you don’t believe me, just look closely at the photos to see how there is no way anyone on earth could possible mistake this for a tractor trailer and get down the highway without texting a loved one and crashing into something.


I can totally understand why the space department held our story back. This is life-threatening!!

In fact, the same day, I also caught pictures of the destruction left behind which I assume was caused by this UFO. Here is what SW County looked like just moments before the landing:

Here is what Downtown looked like moments after:

Okay, now you know what really happened. That’s what we’re here for. Stay tuned for more real-life stories about Roanoke from our newsroom at Star City FAME. (If we don’t get busted for going against orders, that is.)